Greenbriar West Elementary Panda-Gram

RC Corner – Feb. 2012

Apology of Action: When “Sorry” Isn’t Enough

Managing hurt feelings is a skill taught explicitly in the Responsive Classroom approach. “Apology,” children learn, means letting someone know you’re sorry, and “action” means to do something. Through apology of action, children learn what to do to make amends when saying “sorry” isn’t enough.

Laying the groundwork. First, children articulate their hopes and dreams for what they will learn during the school year. Then teachers help them devise rules that will make the classroom a safe environment where everyone can learn. Next, teachers discuss with children what will happen when they forget or choose not to live by the rules—the concept of logical consequences.

Fixing physical messes. One of the three broad types of logical consequences typically used in the Responsive Classroom approach is “you break it, you fix it.” Children first learn to apply “you break it, you fix it” to physical messes: If you knock someone’s block tower down, you help rebuild it. If you spill milk, you clean it up.

Fixing emotional messes. Teachers next introduce apology of action, an extension of the “you break it, you fix it” concept, to help children mend emotional and relationship messes. Teachers help the children learn how to ask for and make an apology of action that is realistic, respectful, and relevant to the hurtful situation. For example, if a child hurts someone by refusing to include her in a game, the child could promise to sit with her on the bus going home. If a child makes fun of someone, the teased child could ask for an apology of action, and the teaser might write a note telling what he or she likes about the child.

A better way to manage behavior. Instead of making children feel bad about their actions and themselves, apology of action helps children learn to solve problems while giving them a dignified way to rejoin the community. It helps children see themselves as part of a community whose members need their respect and kindness—and from whom they deserve respect and kindness in return.

—By Lori Cleveland