Greenbriar West Elementary Panda-Gram

RC Corner – December 2011

Learning about Self-Control

From an article by Chip Woods, author of Yardsticks

Standing up with self-control is the one of the five key CARES skills underlying Responsive Classroom practice that help build positive proactive attributes in children both socially and academically. The other four are cooperation, assertion, responsibility and empathy.

The ability to control and regulate feelings, thoughts, and actions are at the core of cognitive growth and logical understanding, academic learning and achievement, social and moral reasoning, and positive behavior. We learn for social reasons. We learn self-control in order to get along, to learn things from each other, to navigate our world, to build a place for ourselves and our family. Children learn early on that getting along and practicing self-control requires understanding and following certain rules.

For very young children, understanding rules is often heavily influenced by other-regulation, a term used by child psychologist, Lev Vygotsky, to describe what happens when one person is regulating another – as when a mother teaches a toddler how do something independently by giving her directions and alternatives (“You can wash your dishes in this tub and dry them with this towel like Mommy’s.”).

In preschool, kindergarten, and the early elementary grades, children spend a good deal of time other-regulating each other as they interpret the rules of games and the roles they take in them. Tattling is one of the ways children exercise other-regulation. By tattling, children are letting teachers or playground aides know that they understand the rules. Tattling, therefore, is an important precursor to greater self-control. A good response is to tell the child that you’re glad they know the rules, and to repeat the rule to them: “Brian, I hear that you know the rule about one bounce in four square. Good for you.” Usually that’s enough to send the child happily back to the game. Some children, still wanting your other- or outside-regulation, will say, “Aren’t you going to do something about it?” You might respond, “I’ll review the rules with everyone at the end of recess today. Thanks for helping.”

It is important for children to learn the difference between tattling and reporting a problem that requires adult attention. Tattling is telling adults about ordinary conflicts, such as kids not always sharing, picking teams unfairly, and making up their own rules in a game. These types of situations do not require adult intervention. But explain clearly that if the situation involves danger or injury, hurting someone physically, emotionally, or repeatedly bullying, then they must get adult help immediately. Regulating self control and teaching children how to treat others is an essential life skill for independent learning and living.

By Lori Cleveland, Principal